Book 2 Chapter 1

Donar gave me this yesterday. He said that he could tell that I was hurting; if there was something upsetting me that I didn't feel I could tell him, maybe it would help if I wrote it down. I was so touched I ended up crying on his shoulder -- for the third time this week. Maybe it will help. So much has happened lately, and almost all of it bad. The worst part is that I can't tell anyone about most of it -- not even Sal or Donar, who were always the first people I turned to for advice. Not even to Rhavin, the one person I love above all others, because it would only get him into trouble, and he has had enough of that because of me. So I have no choice but to keep my suffering to myself and to these pages, all the while pretending to be happy in front of the people who really care about me. Sometimes the stress of it is so bad that I feel physically ill, and I have not had a single night go by without nightmares.

(If I am dead, and you are reading this, Donar, please don't think that I wrote this because I wanted people to feel sorry for me. I know that I brought it all on myself, and I got no worse than I deserved. I just wish things could have been different.)


The first thing I knew was being bitten by a dog. It was one of those nasty mastiffs like they use for fights in the Pit. It had its teeth in my side, and there was another one right behind it. I tried to get away, but I was hurt and weak.
Suddenly, a man landed in the alley right beside me. He was tall and wearing a plumed hat, and he held a rapier in his hand. I couldn't tell much else in the darkness of the alley.
With seemingly no effort at all, he hooked the dog that was biting me by the collar with the tip of his blade and tossed it away from me. The animal ran away, yelping. The man then drew out a pouch of powder and tossed it into the air. It sparkled as it caught the meager light of the street lamp and fell around the dog. The animal sneezed -- it was dog pepper. My savior smacked the animal on the rear with his blade and it ran off.
He stepped closer and bowed. He was tall and incredibly handsome, with elegant clothing and shoulder-length brown hair. I recognized him as D'Golan the swashbuckler, a legend in Istur. D'Golan was a free spirit, who occasionally served the Organization and occassionaly the "legtimate" goverment, but bowed to neither. I had met him a few times -- danced with him once even -- but only when I was in disguise. D'Golan preferred posh establishments where a tavern dancer was not quite welcome.
He helped me to my feet and kissed my hand. "Nikita Kryszka," he said, seeming pleasantly surprised. "So it's true, you are back."
I surveyed the scene and myself in confusion. I was badly injured. In addition to the dog bite, I had a nasty wound in my side that was still bleeding. I recognized the alley we were in as one in the more dangerous part of town -- I had no idea how I'd gotten here or why I would come to this area alone at night.
I looked at D'Golan, not trying to hide my confusion.
"How did you know I was back?" I asked. "I only just found out myself."
He grinned. "That was quite an entrance you made. You cost me alot of money, you know. "
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't know?"
I shook my head. I was confused, hurt and getting upset. I managed not to cry, but I am sure there were tears in my eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."
He raised his eyebrows. "So it is true?"
I stared at him. He was handsome and charming and had just saved my life, but right now I wanted D'Golan to leave me alone and stop asking so many strange questions. I wanted someone to help me and make everything all better. I wanted Rhavin.
"What's true?" I wailed. "Where are my friends? Do you know if they're back?"
"You mean tall, dark and ugly?"
"Are you talking about Morallan?"
"Ah, so the wolf thing has a name. What is it -- some kind of pet?"
"What wolf thing?"
He shook his head sheepishly, as if he'd just said something stupid. "Don't trouble your pretty head about it." He looked over his shoulder and gave a loud whistle.
It suddenly occurred to me that there were a lot of people in Istur who were going to be angry with me. Who was he calling for? I noticed that he was still holding my hand, rather more securely than necessary. I tried to casually pull my hand away, but he would not let go.
I heard hoof-beats. Was it the authorities coming? Was I going to be arrested already? I wanted to run away, but there was nothing I could do. D'Golan still had my hand, and I had no spells left. I was completely helpless.
But it was a riderless horse that appeared -- a beautiful, dappled gray with a long, silky mane. At D'Golan's nod, the horse kneeled before us. D'Golan lifted me up into the saddle, then jumped up behind me. The horse struggled back to its feet, and we took off. D'Golan squeezed me against him more tightly than he needed to (though carefully avoiding my wounds), and once I think he kissed my hair. Normally, I would have been flattered. But I was too hurt, frightened and bewildered.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
D'Golan didn't answer me. I tried to pay attention, but he rode fast and often in circles -- I think he was deliberately trying to confuse me. Eventually, we headed into the nastiest, most dangerous part of Istur, where even the Organization had no power. I had never been here before (it was one of the first things Sal ever warned me about.)
We stopped before the side of a run-down building. Two figures stood inside the doorway, but I could not make our their features. I used my infravision to search for others, but saw no one.
"There's no need to scan the shadows," said a voice that seemed vaguely familiar. I gaped in astonishment.
"You found her," the voice continued. "Well done."
D'Golan slid me out of the saddle and onto the ground. I stared fearfully at the men before me. This obviously wasn't the authorities. I was beginning to have a sneaking suspicion who I was being turned over to.
The man in the doorway tossed a pouch at D'Golan. He caught it neatly, and I heard the jingle of coins.
"Just don't get used to it," he snapped. He wheeled his horse around and galloped away.
The shadowy figure stepped out of the doorway. It was Shifty Nicco himself. I stared at him in astonishment. The head of the Organization would not take a direct interest in me unless I was in alot of trouble. A feeling of dread took hold of me as I remembered the Chelsby incident. What had I done?
"Come in Nikita," said Nicco. He turned around and walked inside. I followed him. I had no choice. If Nicco was going to kill me, which is pretty much was I was expecting, there was nothing I could do about it. My greatest regret was that I would not get to say good-bye to Sal or Rhavin.
Nicco led me down a long hallway and into a room lit only by a few lanterns. A round table was the only furniture. There were three chairs at it. Nicco pointed to one.
"Sit."
Nicco's companion sat across from me. I stared at him in confusion. It was Angelo, probably one of the worst gem-cutters in town. What was he doing here?
Nicco spun the other chair around and sat down. He leaned towards me, holding my gaze with his intense green eyes. I stared back at him. I knew that my only chance for survival lay in winning Nicco's approval. I could not show fear. Summoning up all my courage, I met his gaze steadily. My fate was in Nicco's hands, and there was nothing I could do about that. I would not cry or beg. I had danced with the Lord of the Dead and survived. I could handle whatever happened here.
More than five minutes passed like this. It was the longest five minutes of my life. Shifty Nicco is a very intimidating man.
Finally, he gave me a small nod of approval. I nodded back, but I didn't smile. Flirtation was not going to get me out of this one.
Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain and a strange feeling inside my head. I felt dizzy.
The dizziness passed. Now, the gem-cutter was inside my head with me, sharing my thoughts. I didn't like it.
"What is your name?"
I answered him. Inside my mind, I heard other voices, answering with different names. Somehow I recognized these voices as beloning to me. I was confused.
He looked at Nicco. "It's true," he said.
Nicco frowned.
I looked at them in confusion, but I didn't say anything. I knew enough to be respectful.
The "gem-cutter" looked at me again. "Do you understand what this means?" he asked me.
Suddenly, I did. Vague memories of watching myself do things over which I had no control flashed through my mind. Torodin help me -- I had tried to kill Rhavin.
I looked sadly at the man. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. "I - I think so."
He nodded. "I'm going to help you now."
I stared at him. I had never been so grateful. I didn't want to be crazy.
Nicco nodded at the gem-cutter. "Do it."
The gem cutter regarded me gravely. "In order to do what I am about to do, I must tell you my real name. It is Yulian Bodescu."
I stared at him in open astonishment. He continued to hold my gaze.
Yulian Bodescu placed his hands on his temples, and his brows furrowed in concentration. The pain in my head intensified until it was nearly unbearable. But I could feel my fractured mind weaving itself back together.
It went on for a long time. When it was finished, Yulian Bodescu was sweating and shaking, as if he had just run a long distance. I could tell he was still inside my thoughts, and I knew that he had seen the memories of everything that had ever happened to me. I was horrified.
"Thank you," I said. I thought of what had happened when I read the mind of Baron Von Aubrecher. I knew what this man had just risked on my behalf, and I would always be beholden to him.
Shifty Nicco leaned towards me again. "You cost me a lot of money," he said. He did not raise his voice, but his expression was grim. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"
I caught Yulian Bodescu rolling his eyes as the incident with the caravan owner ran through my mind. I lowered my eyes. "I'm afraid I do. I'm sorry."
He nodded. "I took care of things with Chelsby. But it cost me. And not just in gold -- it hurt my reputation. I don't like that."
I dared to meet his gaze. I am sure I must have looked ashamed, because I was. I had been petty and foolish. It upset me, too, to realize that I had hurt the Organization in any way -- it was my family, after all.
Now I had to answer for it. "I'm sorry," I said to Nicco, trying to convey with a look all that I meant by that.
He leaned closer to me again and lifted my chin with his finger. "My, what a pretty chin you have."
His grip on my chin was bruising. I didn't move. Nicco snatched a jeweler's lens from the table and examined my necklace. His eyes widened.
"You've done well."
He released my chin. With one hand, he arranged my hair neatly behind my back. I still didn't move. Nicco stood and walked around my chair.
"You've done very well, indeed."
His hand stroked each strand of the pearls. Then, with one smooth gesture he slipped his fingers beneath them and pulled them hard against my throat. The pearls dug into my skin, and I could barely breathe. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing.
"Don't EVER do that again. Never harrass a merchant without checking first to see that he paid his protection money."
"I won't."
Nicco was staring at me intensely. He had released my throat. I shook my head, and the gesture made my face sting. Somewhere in the course of the night, someone had hit me hard in the face -- my cheek and eye were hot and sore. I couldn't even rember how it had happened -- it must have been in all the confusion at the Pit.
Thoughts of the Pit made me recall how I had really arrived back in Istur. I had been Hyskosa then. I fell from that open grave into the Pit -- right into the middle of a dog fight. The dogs had been about to attack me when Gil had appeared.
"Dear gods!" I cried aloud. "Gil's a werewolf!"
"What's a werewolf?" asked Yulian Bodescu.
I answered him with my thoughts, because it was easier. He still didn't understand. I tried to explain but I gave up.
Nicco reached out to touch the clasp of the choker. He was going to take the necklace from me. Fear gripped me with icy fingers. Though I can not fully explain the reasons, I have always been sure it would mean my death for me to sell that necklace. I was equally sure that the same would happen to anyone who took it from me. The vision of Nicco becoming a zombie filled me with dread and remorse. What would happen to the Organization without him?
Nicco's hand suddenly left my neck. He and Yulian Bodescu stepped aside to whisper among themselves. I watched them. It was my first opportunity to study Nicco fully. Gods, he was handsome. And he had just saved my life and my sanity -- I had to warn him. But he wouldn't believe me.
Yulian Bodescu looked at me sharply. "Warn him about what?"
I looked at the gem-cutter desperately. As he shared my thoughts, I recalled everything that I knew about Anton. I was intimidated by Nicco, I thought at him, but I was terrified of Anton.
They whispered among themselves for a bit. Then Nicco came back to the table and stood behind me again. One hand brushed lightly against my unbruised cheek, and despite my pain and fear I wanted him to go on touching me.
"That's a nice addition to the Organization's coffers," he said. "I'll let you keep it for now. Just make sure you take good care of it."
"Yes, " I said. I gave Nicco an apologetic look. Considering the danger involved in selling it, it was worthless to the Organization, and we both knew it.
Nicco was still watching me. He had just let me off very easy for a major infraction of Organization rules, and I hadn't even thanked him.
"Thank you," I said, "for everything." I was referring to my life being spared and my sanity being restored. I had always been loyal to the Organization, but now Nicco had won my loyalty in a more personal way. I owed him a lot.
Nicco and Yulian Bodescu exchanged glances.
Nicco shook his head. "No, I got off easy."
I didn't understand what he meant, but I realized later that Sal must have called in a major favor here. I owed Sal alot too.
I looked at Nicco steadily. "Still, if there's ever anything I can do for you..." I did not look away from Nicco as he smiled and looked me up and down. The man was smart, powerful and, I realized now that I wasn't quite so terrified, incredibly sexy. He had my undying loyalty now, and he could have more any time he wanted it.
"I'll be sure to rember that," said Nicco. I detected a flash of lust in his eyes, and I was not entirely displeased by it. What a fool I was.
With that, Nicco turned and left the room. Yulian Bodescu followed him without a word. I watched the door shut behind them. I heard voices, but I could not make out what was being said, and I didn't dare go listen at the door.
What was going to happen to me now?
I heard footsteps running towards the door. Had they turned me in to the authorities? Using my last shape-shift ability, I turned into a mouse and hid.
It was Sal who burst into the room. His look of joy turned to fear and disappointment when he didn't see me. I immediately scurried out and returned to my human form.
Sal started to draw his dagger until he saw who it was. "Nikki?"
"Sal!" I cried. I had never been so glad to see anyone in my life. I threw my arms around him and hugged him. "I missed you so much."
I started sobbing. I couldn't help it. I had endured so much fear and suffering, and now, I believed, it was over. Sal held me safe within the circle of his arms.
"It's all right baby. I'll take care of you."
Sal picked me up and carried me home. He sat me on the bed and brushed the tears from my face. Then he went to get Dara, one of my fellow dancers, to come in and bind my wounds.
While Dara was there, I figured I'd better at least send word to Strand's Shadows to let everyone know I was all right. Dara promised to deliver it.
Sal came back in and nodded at her. "Beat it, baby."
Dara winked at me and left.
"What happened, Nikki? Where have you been?"
I sniffled. "Oh, Sal. It's been so horrible. We were lost and we couldn't get home. All these horrible creatures kept trying to kill us."
"It's all right now, Nikki."
Sal lifted up the bandage around my sword wound and check it out. He hissed. "Who did this to you? You just tell me and I'll take care of him."
"Oh, Sal. It's not a who but a what. And it used to be a good friend." I tried to explained the werewolf situation, but I had no luck this time either.
Sal inspected my other wound -- the dog bite. He looked so upset, I thought for a second that he was going to cry. Which was really odd -- the sword wound was much, much worse.
"You just get some sleep, baby. I'll see you in the morning."
He kissed me on the forehead and went to the door. I gave him a hurt look -- after all that I had been through, I didn't want to me alone right now. But Sal left me.
I wanted to follow his advice. I was so exhausted, and sleep would have been heavenly. But I suddenly remembered that I'd forgotten to mention the scroll in my note to Donar and Silvio. I had to tell them about that -- it could not wait.
I dragged myself out of bed and went to the door. It was locked. I was hurt and confused. Why had Sal locked me in?
He probably had a good reason. But I had to go. Quietly, I stacked up some furniture and crawled through the window. My room was on the fourth floor. I would have rather climbed down, but there were no hand-holds. I gritted my teeth and jumped.
I tumbled to ease the impact, but it still hurt badly. I struggled to my feet, wondering if this night would ever end. I was just about to head for Strand's Shadows at a run when I heard a scream of agony. It was coming from the docks.
I was wounded, tired and completely out of any spells or powers whatsover. But my conscience would not let me ignore that scream. Cautiously, I crept towards the docks. All was quite except for the water lapping against the peer. Crates were piled everywhere, and the few lamps that still burned cast ominous shadows.
I thought I heard a sound then -- some animal eating. Staying hidden by those shadows, I crept closer.
I hid behind a tall stack of crates and peeked through a tiny hole. What I saw will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. It was Gil, now a werewolf, eating human flesh. Despite my danger, I screamed.
He looked up, and his yellow eyes glared right at me. His mouth was dripping blood. He snarled and charged.
"Gil!" I cried. In my voice was all the pain and anguish I felt at seeing a man I loved so dearly reduced to such a monster.
He paused at hearing his name. Then, with a snarl, he pushed the crates on top of me.
The pain was incredible, and I know that I nearly died. I heard the sound of paws running away. I was left there, trapped and in agony. A piece of wood was digging into my sword wound, and something cold and metallic had cut my leg. I tried to wriggle free, but the crates only shifted, trapping me further and causing even more pain. I had never been in such agony. I wanted to scream in pain, or cry for help. But I knew that anyone who could hear me in this place at this time of night would probably not mean me well. I bit my lip until I tasted blood and controlled myself.
I lay there for hours, hurt and frightened. I knew that no one would ever find me here, and I was going to die. I wept for a while, and finally, I passed out.
Fortunately for me, my friends had not been idle that night, as Rhavin was eventually kind enough to fill me in. They arrived in the Pit shortly after me to find the place empty and blood everywhere. Max took off, but Rhavin ushered everyone else over to the Oasis. Temmer Longfellow was sitting at the bar. He did a spit-take when they entered.
"I'll be damned," he said. "Alanna was right, you're not dead after all." He ushered them in, locked the door and dimmed the lights. Peeking out of the shades he said, "But you'll wish you were. Half the world is looking for you."
Rhavin greeted Temmer with a handshake. "Mr. Longfellow, we have need of the War Room. Is it empty?"
"At this time of night. Of course it is. You go on up, I'll wake Alanna."
"Actually sir, I need your assistance. Nikita is in need of help." Canliss mumbled something which Rhavin ignored, before he continued talking to Temmer.
"Among other things, Nikita is suffering from some type of mental affliction which makes her believe she is someone else. Right now she is running the streets of Istur fleeing from a werewolf. The creature was previously known as Guildenstern, one of our former companions. I believe Nikita could deal with the beast, but her current persona can not. I need you to go to Strand's Shadows and tell them what is happening to her. After going there you should deliver this same message to Sal. He is a good friend of Nikita with many resources. He'll know what to do for her. Also Nikita asked me to deliver a message to Sal. I think it is important so you should see that he gets this also."
Rhavin reached inside one of his packs and gave a note to Temmer, one which I had entrusted to his care long ago. Rhavin seemed angry when he spoke of the bard, and he added that Temmer did not follow his instructions very well. But he seemed unwilling to explain, and I did not press him. I myself was very upset with Temmer for hurting Gil, until I realized that he had saved Sal's life by doing so. But that would come much later.
Rhavin turned to the others, "I'll go awaken Alanna. The rest of you proceed to the War Room. It's on the third floor near the front of the building." Rhavin turned and watched Temmer slip through the front door, before going to Alanna's room.
Once they were all assembled Alanna filled them in on what had gone on in our absence. They learned that Rhavin, Morallan and I were wanted for, at the every least High Treason. Alanna was incarcerated for two months, was released under house arrest and the investigation is ongoing. A trial will happen sooner or later. Also she can only cast very minor spells. Morgan was also arrested, but cleared of all charges after thirty days.
Rhavin stood and walked the length of the room. "Well my friends this is it. We have fought the foulest beasts known to man in the name of goodness and personal survival, just to have the treachery of man make us outlaws. It has been my utmost pleasure to know you all. And no matter where this journey leads me one thing will be constant in my life, and that is the memory of our time together and comfort that the corruption of man is not complete. You will all be in my prayers." With that said he re-took his seat near the head of the long table.
"I suggest that from here we divide the treasure, and let Maximillia get on her way." Turning to Max he said "I had hoped that you could at least stay here for the night. But I fear that if you stay you could be arrested. And that's just one more consequence I'd rather do without." (Actually, Rhavin learned later from the High Priestess of Soltana that we have at least two weeks before we have to deal with being arrested.)
"After splitting the treasure, and leaving a share for both Gil and Nikita, Canliss and Kariya should go after Gil." He addressed the six-fingered Mage, "Canliss I believe your Sleeping Missiles will work as you had designed them, since we are away from the taint of that dreaded land. I'll remain here with the listening portion of your device. If you need help just call and I'll come."
Then turning to Morallan he continued with more instructions. "Morallan you should go to Soldiers & Sailor Hall and try to enlist some help for the search. I'm sure there will be many Azkalites ready to rescue a woman in distress. But see to it that Gil is captured and not killed. We have to try and do whatever we can for him." (Morallan was actually assigned to other duties by his temple, and we have not seen him since. I feel terrible that I did not get the chance to say good-bye before he left.)
"My friends,I do not know what the dawn has in store for any of us." Rhavin smiled and gave a half-smile to all listening, "I guess we never do. But we may never again have an opportunity to speak so freely to one another. In case this time never comes again I take this moment to say to each of you...Well met!"
Rhavin stayed at the Oasis until Sal came looking for him (Neither one of them would talk about that encounter.) Kariya rested and then went to the temple to speak to my colleagues, but Canliss showed up with my unconscious body just as she was about to knock on the door. I am lucky that he was able to find me.
When I woke up in the temple in Istur, Donar, Silvio and Dante were all standing around me, looking worried. I was so relieved, I started sobbing. They had to comfort me for a long time before they could talk to me. The first thing I asked was about my friends, and I was told that they were the ones who had brought me here and that they had been -- loudly and at great length -- asking about me. I sent a note to thank them and assure them that I was all right, but I did ask about Rhavin. Donar had not mentioned him.
When I had calmed down, they sent Dante off and began questioning me about everything that had happened. This took quite a while, and pleading exhaustion just before I got to the part about the quill of law was not entirely an act. It had been a long and horrible night, and I had not slept in many days. When I woke up later, I finished my story, but not before casting undectable lie on myself, a process I have continued (with some exceptions) ever since. Donar, please forgive me -- I hated lying to you, but I had no choice. I know you told me that hanging around with a paladin would do me no good. But I love Rhavin with all my heart -- I can't help it. If you had been around him as much as I have, maybe you would have understood. The fact is, Rhavin's life means more to me than anything. I have endured quite a lot of horrible things -- and still am -- but I could never go on living without Rhavin. The pain of being around him and knowing that he doesn't want me is something I have learned to endure, but I can not and will not let Rhavin die. I would rather die myself.